End of the First Term
It's a new term and a hopeful one at that. I've had my results back, some were disappointing but others were the boost I needed in confidence. My first term was spent stressing over how well I wrote my essays and stories, worrying over the feedback I'd receive; now I am confident I know where I was going wrong, and how I am able to better my work. I finished the first term with a 2:1, which I never expected. After retaining so little at secondary school and my lack of further education compared to the others at University with me, I never expected to finish with a fragment shy of a first. I struggle with my self-confidence in general as many of you will know, but after receiving my feedback and grades this term it has had a huge weight lifted from it.
As many will know, the feeling of submitting your first few essays, clicking the button with eyes closed and then panicking for the next two weeks. It's a slightly sickening feeling, a pit builds and it's as if your stomach feels both empty and full at the same time. Digging away at you until you get the relief of seeing that Turnitin 'view' button turn blue, knowing you can see how well or poorly you did. Just knowing the mark, removes the stress of waiting. I've opened my essay feeling content and exhilarated; reading through the comments, jumping for joy and having a sudden rush of energy and motivation. I also know the feeling when you open an essay only to find, it has been ripped to pieces, all the hard work you put in seems wasted; I remember sitting reading through the comments, tears forming and trickling down my cheeks with every word. Slowly feeling myself cave internally.
Everyone has had that moment when you poured your heart and soul into a piece of work, whether it be academic work, industrial, a song, a painting, your make-up or even your outfit, all that time and energy spent and you are proud of what you have achieved. Then having so many criticisms that you lose your motivation to ever want to do it again. I've had times where I haven't gotten back up as quickly as I should, I've avoided the challenge for long periods of time, because the fear of feeling that way about my work again was so great. The only reason I'm still writing and doing everything I do is because, I got back up on my feet. Realising that they were only comments, I can only improve. If I were to get everything 100% right every single time, I would have nothing more to learn. It took me a long time to be able to pick myself back up. Admittedly I didn't and still don't always do it alone, but that's one of the big things about feeling that way. Accepting help and advice, is not a bad thing. Often it can actually prove to be quite beneficial.
<3 <3 ,<3
ReplyDeleteReading this post and hearing how grown up you are becoming is an inspiration to others - I love your writing, in life there is always more to learn.
Regarding the comments and the advice you hear from others, who says they are right, it is often just an opinion, one different view - not necessary the right view but the viewers position may lead you to believe they are right.
The best artists, musicians, photographers, writers, designers, creaters, storytellers - know the rules and then break them to suite their creativity... to show their innovation - and if it does not conform, was it suppose too? Was it too much for the audience to understand or what it is different they could not process the concept - no one who has truly made it - has made it through following the rules, they have stepped outside the box, gone against the tide, and created something just awesome if not more so, so don't let the comments drag you down, read, respect, take something from them and then use them to inspire a better you...
In the worlds of education - the best professionals in your chosen field are not the ones teaching the next generation... they are living, experiencing life, and still building their brand and working on their next big thing!